Air sensitivity

On a plane. I walk toward the back of the plane looking to dispose of my refuse, if you know what I mean!

That's not a euphemism. Pretty straightforward explanation. I had garbage I wanted to get rid of.

Anyway, I see a flight attendant.

Me: "Garbage?"
Him, in a slow, sad monotone: "That's the first time I've been called that before."
Me: "It won't be the last, bitch."

Me (really): "That's not what I said! Sorry about that."
Him: "That's OK. I'll just talk behind your back when you sit down."

Then some lovely young lady tried to scoot by him.

Him: "You can fit – I've slimmed down."
She looks at him and his belly skeptically.
Him: "Wow, she called me fat."
Her: "I did not! But you are. Now move it, fatass!"

I fell in love immediately and asked her into the bathroom (we actually were roughly over Denver at that moment).

I awoke 38 minutes later with a splitting headache and a knot on my noggin the size of a tennis ball. As I tried to focus, I was partly blinded by Garbage Man's 63 pieces of flair. Damn Lumbergh!

Earlier, as we took off, the guy across the aisle from me stood up and gestured for flight attendant to come over. She got on the PA and said, "Sit down now! Quickly!" So he did (though he didn't buckle up – bastard!). And we were off the ground about four seconds later.

Apparently he believed there was a problem with something on the wing – some issue that could manifest itself during takeoff. It didn't. Still, he communicated this to the flight attendant, who brought it to the pilot, who apparently send some sort of reasonable explanation back to our (anti-hero). And all was fine. Of course, I type this while still in the air.

Still, I'm not worried. Now had it been William Shatner or John Lithgow sitting there …

Who knows – maybe this plane has no left phalange.

OK, so we did land OK. And as soon as we did, the same crazy dude – seen in that washed out pic above – immediately got up and went to the back of the plane while we were still going however fast it is a plane goes right after touching down. WTF, dude? Garbage Man, I'm gonna need you to go ahead and get on that.

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